sunday energy #31
advice to self (and you)
In April of last year, when I turned thirty-three, I meant to share the following lists of truths, affirmations, and reminders that I’d cultivated up until that point in a newsletter but to be real I literally forgot about it (maybe because my 33rd birthday was…distracting, let’s call it). Anyway, I’m sharing the list with you now, with an extra item since I’m now thirty-four (perhaps it would have been cuter to share this for sunday energy #34? ah well). Anyway, below is what I wrote on April 29th, 2022:
Today I turn 33-years-old. My “Jesus Year” as so many people told me in the weeks leading up to my birthday. I’m not entirely sure what that means, although I’m guessing maybe the significance of this year is tied to death (of the old self) and resurrection, rebirth, renewal. That’s what I’m hoping any way. I had to dig really deep to feel any sense of joy around my birthday this year. I had to really focus on centering myself in the knowledge that to grow older in such a precarious world is not only a blessing, it’s a kind of miracle.
If I can just remember that, well, the fact that I feel depressed, lost and lonely can exist within a deeper context. I may feel those things now, but I’m choosing to believe that I won’t feel this way forever. I’ve been trying to turn to myself for wisdom. I’ve been trying to collect clues about who I am, evidence for the inner growth that I’m often afraid I’ve yet to achieve. I’ve been gathering knowledge from friends and strangers, from books and movies, as talismans for my own healing. In my Notes App, I’ve jotted down some realizations, truths, ancestral reminders for navigating life, so far. There are thirty-threefour of these notes below, one for each year I’ve been alive:
There’s a time to say “no” and a time to say “yes” and often they overlap.
Instituional recognition has its uses but it is not a thing on which to build a life. In other words: you cannot achieve your way out of trauma.
Your greatest achievement is simply being alive, no matter how bad you think you are at living.